Cleaning up my computer...

My laptop crashed today, I know it was not working properly as it had given me the blue screen twice already... and the technician had told me it had problems with the hard drive. I had backed up a lot of my stuff, pretty much my pictures, my music and my work stuff... I was just too lazy to clean up my personal stuff. So I decided today was the day.

Started looking at all my documents, looking at what should I erase and what should I keep. I tend to forget about everything, I don't understand why I have such a bad memory; but that's the way it is with me :-s  So, I found a lot of documents, erased some and kept some... and then one on of my private folders, found my diary -I used to keep it back when I was with my ex- started reading it, and I felt as if I missed what we had... a little.  I thought that in my healing process I had erased everything I had from him and that his pictures were only kept in my passport, which I don't normally open. But I had these things there, things I had written about him, about how I felt back then and all those nice feelings you have when you are happy with someone.

I can't remember how it all went wrong with us... we were so great together, we always had so much fun and enjoy being with the other a lot... we could spend a weekend watching movies, just the two of us, special weekends they were... We would wake up, make love, take a shower together, go out to eat breakfast, come back to his apartment or mine, watch a movie, then another, then another one, then he would cook lunch, make love again, take a shower together again, watch comedy shows and then go to bed and chit chat and make love many times! It was perfect! We were able to do that, and also we had fun going out... he would go out with my friends, I would go out with his friends... It was just amazing! Such a great guy, never complained if I had plans with my friends or anything like that... he used to say: "Gabby, you're a grown up woman... I know you can handle yourself."  And of course I could, I had such a great man waiting for me that I would have never done anything wrong to him.

So, I kept looking for things to back up, just making sure I had everything... it was then when I got to my "Chat Logs" folder -I normally keep my chat logs, because I thought it was a good idea to have in writing what my baby's daddy says- I was about to erase the whole folder, as I really didn't want to transfer all those files to my new computer; but after reading all the nice things I had said about my ex (before), I was curious to see if I had any logs from him... and I did!!!! So, I started reading... it is great when you start liking someone, the way you talk to them, the way they talk to you and everything! I could see how interested he was in me, how much he wanted to kiss me, how we started with the right feet and how everything was great... and got to the point where I realized why things went wrong...

We had a friend in common, this friend was actually the friend that introduced him to me... and this friend of ours, liked me... but liked me in a sexual way, that's it; and of course, I didn't like that. He kept telling me things about him, things that I should have never thought about... my ex was simply just a great guy... but he wanted us to break up, he wanted that badly. He will come to my house to try to see me; he would text me when he was with my ex; he just did plenty of stuff... And of course I was always loyal to my ex, but this things that he kept telling me got me a bit stressed out, thinking that my ex could be able to hurt me and I started freaking out! How I regret that... if it wasn't for that... we could still be together.

So, I found the files... two months worth of conversations... things like: I miss you, you're my everything, I love you, I can't live without you, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me, I'm so glad I met you that day, I'm so glad I was there that day... things like that were said, after all we had such a great relationship. Now I understand why it took more than two years to finally get over him... but why do I still miss him?  I really don't know if it is that I miss him, or what we were... I guess I'll never know that...