My father...

I normally never talk about my father or when I do I just say little; just what’s new… which is “oh, he and my mom got a divorce like seven years ago” (damn! I can’t believe it has passed so much time)

It is so sad that the only thing that I can say about him is that… oh well, I guess I could also say he has another marriage and another kid. But who cares about that?

Men are weird; men are the ones that can’t be understood. They always say
it’s the women that can’t be understood, but that’s not true. We’re simple.
We like things in a different way, that’s for sure. We are caring, we love,
and most of the time we give everything!

My dad and my mom had a marriage for over 21 years, how can it be so simple for a man to break-up such a long marriage, a lifetime together. I understand if you don’t get along with a person, you need to break it up. But this is not a 2 or 3 year marriage… its 21 years what we are talking about!!! It’s like he had plenty of time to say that he wasn’t getting along with mom the first five years!! It’s not like you wait 21 years!!

Ufff… sorry, just to think about that gets me all upset. But there’s nothing I can do. Just keep the memories of my family, because that’s all I have. There is no family no more.

And you might be asking why I don’t talk about my dad… the truth is that when the got their divorce he decided to live his own life in a different way… The divorce was really hard for all of us to handle (and by “all of us” I'm referring to my Mom, my sis, my bro and me). We all handle our pain in a different way. My mom decided to cut contact with everyone except for family members, and wanted to be in her room all the time, and used to cry at night when “we” couldn’t hear her. My brother was in Miami at that time, I couldn’t see what was going on with him, but for what we talked (which was little) he was hurt; my dad was his hero. My sister, wow, it was really hard for her; she acted the same way as mom did… but it got worst and worst. Me? Well, I’ve always been the “strong” one, no matter what. My heart was made of stone, nothing hurt. At least that’s what people could see. I needed to go out, be out of the house; I was tired of mom and sis inside the house with their long faces all day. I needed to see something different, at least to drive my car and listen to music and get away. But my mom didn’t want me out of her reach. Tired of that, decided to take a vacation and come to the states… I had planned to stay for three-months at my aunt’s house in Queens. I thought it would be great, there were stores nearby, I could help babysit and make a little money to buy something if I wanted to. I was there for a few weeks, when my brother called me…
Bro: hey, can you sit down… I need to tell you something…
Me: what’s going on?
Bro: It’s our sis she, she try to slid her wrists…
Me: What do you mean she tried to slide her wrists?
Bro: That’s the only thing they told me, I know someone took her to the doctor..
Me: Damn! I need to call her, but I don’t think she will have her cell phone…

I couldn’t wait for another week to go by, I had to change my ticket and get back to Ecuador. (Do you see why I always had to be the strong one?)
I got back and she had changed; I couldn’t even recognize her. She wasn’t the sister I left when I came to the states. She was deeply hurt. And, #$%#$% I couldn’t do anything about it. That’s when I learned that I could cry in front of someone and not care if they saw me. I sat and cry with my sister, and I cried so she could feel that I understood the pain she felt.

I guess he knows that he had cause so much pain in our lives, that now he doesn’t keep in touch with us… he would never call or email… well, actually I'm lying he emails or chats with us once or twice a year. I know my bro has blocked him from his messenger, for obvious reasons. But, I don’t know about my sister; I think she had forgiven him. Me? I don’t know yet. What kills me is that he waits for us, me… to start the conversation when it should be him the one to start it… I mean there are a lot of new things in our lives, that he may want to know about, right? I guess he doesn’t. :=o(